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The Sir Aleque Turkey Mayo on Toasted Rye, Please
Posted: Wednesday, June 2, 2010 by LePhilozophe in Labels: bumps in the night, club sandwich, concoctions, insomnia, mosquitoes, Napoleon, sleep, The Nanny
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i've been a semi-chronic insomniac for the best part of 6 years now. i place its origins to roundabout my last year of varsity. Aye, back to the good ol' unforgiving days when last-minute assignments, cardiac arresting tests and motherlessly horrific exams were the order of the day; all-nighter study vigils drained your already overloaded and desiccated brain from a "are you sure it's still breathing?" to a "here's another one for the doorstop pile" status; and your only social activity of note for months on end was the close ties you developed with the touring tap-dancing mosquito crew as they carpooled by at the dead of night for a bout of candid neighborly conversation over a bottle or six of red (whatever became of Mustapha and the gang, i wonder?).
It's an on and off thing, this insomnia of mine. Comes and goes like that rude neighbor who's made it a habit to barge into your house unannounced, head straight for the fridge, help himself to his choice delights and walk out again, but not before the nonchalant nerve of letting you know that you're out of milk and it would be a good idea to stock up on some today because tomorrow's a bank holiday.
There are some (increasingly rare) nights i go out like a light and could sleep through a marching brass band playing wildly off-key and aided by the brash, vocal accompaniment of The Nanny (yes, the very one of nasally astute fame); whereas on other nights (what's now become the norm, really) i'll lay awake blinking into the darkness with only the various artists from the world-famous Bumps in the Night band to keep me company, until the first streaks of dawn creep through the windows. And by the way, in case you were still living in denial, folks, we're not alone. I can assure you of that.
It does come with its merits though, this insomnia. For one, i would never have started this blog had it not been for all those extra added hours a day (oh, joy) courtesy of the walking dead dis-ease. And for added self-consolation, i might throw in that quite a few of the famous minds in history were also somnolently-challenged, namely Napoleon Bonaparte, Winston Churchill and Sir Isaac Newton, to name a few. That might come in handy as great now-how-on-earth-do-i-get-out-of-this-one conversation when trying to explain to the officer why you've just leveled the entire set of traffic lights and surrounding flora within a 6 mile radius in broad daylight with clear visibility, 26 % humidity and little to no traffic (this, in case you're wondering, would be one of the demerits). Your cheek getting mightily acquainted with the keyboard (drool inclusive, of course) long enough to leave a line of q's 645 pages long on the screen of the Word document you're supposed to be working on at the office, would be another.
Before you ask, yes i have tried to find a cure for my long suffering ailment. To this end, i must say that we live in a pretty well-rested society, seeing as everyone and their dog seems to have a surefire recipe for curing my affliction. If i had a dollar for every concoction drunk, body contortion twisted into or verse recited while hopping around on one leg at a specific time of night, there'd be high school libraries, college dorms, charities and club sandwiches sporting my name all over the globe.
A cursory glance at the dictionary reveals that insomnia is defined as the 'condition of being unable to perform as a consequence of physical and mental unfitness'. i dunno about you lot, but that reads 'disability' to me. And if that's the case, then i want my reserved parking space. A good night's sleep wouldn't hurt either, of course.
